Fishing, Vortex-style

As many of you know, some of us* on this trip are avid fisherfolk. For your learning pleasure, here’s a handy guide to how we do things around here:

1. Locate body of water.

2. Rent a vessel, such as a pontoon boat, or merely set up camp by water’s edge with at least 27 different rods, 5 tackle boxes, and the rest of the gear necessary to really look the part.

3. Consult with guy at nearest bait shop for no less than 45 minutes, and emerge with enough bait to catch all of the fish. Ever. In the history of time.

4. Arrive back at fishing locale and begin! Plan to spend between 4 and 7 hours laser-focused on this activity.

5. Note plethora of fish jumping and taunting you from just beneath the surface of the water.

6. Lose your bait and/or your tackle by snagging your line on a patch of leaves, tree branch, lawn chair, or fishing dock. Repeat.

7. Furrow your brow and make confident statements about catching dinner.

8. Admit to inquiring passers-by that you are not having much success with the fish, which, by this point, are full-gills laughing at you from just an arm’s length away.

9. Listen to said passers-by brag about how they caught fish by the hundreds just an hour ago, and how they had to stop due to space limitations.

10. Ask about their bait and learn that they’d been using the only bait NOT recommended or sold at the bait shop.

11. Bid the passers-by a cheerful adieu. Swear under your breath as soon as they’re out of earshot.

12. Keep your nose to the grindstone (or fishing dock, rather) for another hour or two before packing it in and heading home.

13. Place styrofoam containers of bait in the refrigerator in such a way that they will inevitably be mistaken for food later.

14. Eat a hotdog.

15. Kick back with a cold beer and fantasize about the next day’s fishing adventure.

*(not me)